You Found Me
by iffulovedme
Summary: Itachi/Sasuke. Sasuke/Naruto. Naruto and Sasuke are together physically. But Sasuke will always have a thing for Itachi. And Sasuke must soon learn the all important lesson that the past has a nasty way of catching us up.
1. Inexplicable

It's not all that hard to be with Naruto. He talks and talks, I don't have to say anything. It's so easy. I only need to sit quietly and make the occasional noise. It's easy. Too easy.

Naruto's great in bed too. Not that I have much to compare him with. Just Itachi, and no one can know about that. Naruto thinks I was a virgin, that he was my first. I don't have the heart to disillusion him. Anyway, he's ferocious. He completely overpowers me and yet still manages to be gentle in a way that Itachi never was. Again, all I need to do is make the occasional moan and he thinks he's satisfying me.

It sounds horrible, I know. But it's not. He puts my needs first. And he looks at me, really looks at me. Not through me. There's a difference. And we're equals. I don't have to look up at him, and he's probably taken me off the pedestal. I don't know how I got there in the first place, to be honest. Maybe because of my coolness, my last name. Who knows? Still, it's hard to believe that he cares so much for me. He's so careful with me, as though he's positive I'll break.

I don't tell him I like it rough, I like it when I can feel the skin being marked red with blood. Either from bites or from scratches. Naruto wouldn't understand. I don't want to explain my masochistic tendencies. Not to him, not to anyone. I like pain, feeling raw and burning form the inside out.

But even if we spice things up- it wouldn't be as good. Wouldn't be the same as- Anyway. He, Naruto, never gets upset that I don't come. I can't. We experiment, different toys, positions and alternating rhythms. But it's not use. I can't. I don't want to orgasm from a stimulation that's not- sigh.

I'm on my way to Naruto's hut now. Not ours- I haven't moved in and don't plan to. I can see from the light that he's home. The door opens and I recognize that shimmer of hope in those bright blue eyes.

"I have a new idea," he explains, pulling me inside.

Stop, I want to say. Stop being so nice.

"We can watch a movie-Kakashi lent me some because I didn't want to go into town. I hope that's okay."

"Wait, you told Kakashi about my..problem?"

"No. I just said we wanted to try some stuff out. Don't worry, I was very suave."

"I can imagine."

"So, are you hungry? Do you want to eat food first or wanna skip straight to dessert?"

He grins at me, so adorable. "Here's what I was thinking, you can ride me or something- or if you're too tired, I can – what?" He stops mid sentence. I'm just staring at him with a slightly stunned expression on my face. I know I am.

"What's wrong?"

Everything is wrong. Where to start?

He leads me to the kitchen table, sitting me down. He gets me a glass of water.

All I can think of is Itachi. How he would never let me top. No, he'd fuck me ruff without preparation. Use a cock ring, butt plugs, anything until I was sobbing, begging desperately for release. Yes, it's my brother, my own flesh and blood that I crave. It's wrong. There are lists of books that criticize and condemn what I did, what I yearn to do again. I could probably go through the alphabet and come up with a word to describe how immoral this is. How sinful and perverse. But Itachi makes me whole, makes me alive. So cliché, but that's a feeling I value. When he's not around, I feel dead inside.

"It's okay if you're too tired. We'll try another time."

He kisses me on the forehead, right where Itachi used to poke me.

I say nothing. He doesn't ask if I'll stay the night. He stopped asking me that and I feel guilty, but I'm grateful.

He's good to me. I don't deserve him, his kindness. But I thrive on it, have begun to rely on it. I need it now.

"Why?" I ask, lying down on the couch, putting my feet on his lap. He starts to give me a foot massages even though I didn't ask for one.

I usually ask him this at least once a month. My favorites are: "Because I love you", "Because you're a good person," "Because you're beautiful".

Tonight, Naruto says simply. "I love you, that's why."

I nod my agreement. I know it's true. There's power, security in those words. A sort of magic that I stopped believing in when Itachi left, and only when I realized how much I relied on Naruto, did I start believing in once more. In clinging to this belief as frantically as I do, I know Itachi is right: I am _weak_.


	2. Angel

I don't stay the night. I find I can't sleep in any bed other than Itachi's. I don't tell Naruto this of course- but he probably knows it intuitively. I don't want him to stop looking at him like he does, with love and regret. I wonder if I looked at Itachi like that. If that's why he spared me.

I arrive home, climb the stairs to the second floor and pad down the hallway making a right at the end. Itachi's room. I strip off my clothes and fall into Itachi's bed. I showered at Naruto's before I left, kissing him chastely on the cheek. I know it's stupid, for someone like me, a trained ninja, an Uchiha, an orphan, to think about such things, but I can't stand the idea of Naruto's scent (yellowy orange, like a sun setting) and Itachi's (ice blue, like the hottest flame) mixing. They'd clash, I'm sure. But I don't want to find out. And though it's more than Itachi deserves, even though I've every right to loathe him…I can't. He's hurt me in every possible way (emotionally, mentally, physically). And I still can't do anything more than clutch at his pillow, trying my hardest to find his scent that has long worn away. And this, the idea that Itachi, my brother not the genius, is gone. He's gone, and I don't know how to bring him back.

Every mission I'm assigned I take seriously. Whether it be protecting someone or delivering a message, I do it with all I've got. I try so hard, maybe, because I think if I do an exemplary job, somewhere, he'll hear about me. And he won't be ashamed to call me his brother. That, wherever he is, he'll smile. And of course it's for me too. I know Itachi wouldn't. I know he would do only sort of apply himself, and the results would still be spectacular, record breaking.

It's my little ritual, I guess you could say. Before I fall asleep, I think of Itachi as he used to be. It helps me, not with sleep as it continues to elude me, but it helps me hold onto that feeling. That feeling of what I once might have called love.

*

My eyes blink open. I know instantly that someone is the room. Better yet, I know who it is. My eyes have already adjusted to the dark, but I don't need any confirmation. Except...I pinch myself on the arm, hard. It hurts. He's real.

"Sasuke." He quirks an eyebrow at me. I feel the shift in the air as I glance toward the open window. I know we're both thinking the same thing: Was I waiting for him subconsciously? A stream of moonlight falls through and my eyes adjust quickly.

His cape flows from his thin frame and I see, with a jolt of fear that I try to pretend doesn't excite me, my brother is naked. His face is young, but his body is that of a man.

"That's my bed."

I shrug. "Been keeping it warm for you."

"Still sleep naked?" His tone is casual, but I can see the crimson highlights in his eyes. He's aroused. He's crossing to the bed and even if I lie (which I don't plan on doing) he'll discover the truth for himself.

"I'm cold," I say. I wanted to say it as a statement, but it came out like a whine. I'm ever so slightly appalled.

It's so strange. I'm older, not a man yet, but I'm not naïve. I'm not that impressionable child anymore. But Itachi's presence has made me shy, made me yearn for acceptance and praise. Not just because of his own superior talent, but because he's my brother. My lover.

"Really cold," I repeat. And it's another lie. Embarrassed, ecstatic , thrilled, and, yes, a bit afraid. Horny? Definitely. But no, not cold. Quite the opposite, really. I feel a blistering wave of heat all over my torso. I feel like my heart, what's left of it anyway, will burn itself out until it's nothing more than a charred jumble of apologies and regrets.

"Lair." The bed creaks and dips as more weight is added. He lies down on top of the covers and we spoon. He's hard, I can feel it through the blankets. I reach for him, itching for contact. But Itachi stops me with a single word.

"No." He must feel my body go rigid as he amends, "Maybe later. I'll definitely take you up on your offer."

I'm not mad, not really. How can I be? Itachi's smell is here, all around me. Earthy tones layered with charcoal and mint, all sharp and dangerous. There's a new smell that I don't remember; it's new. And it takes me a few seconds before I can place it. Metallic.

Like he's read my mind (who knows, maybe he can) he says in a low murmur, "No matter how many times I wash, I can't scrub all the blood off. If it bothers you, I can shower…"

He actually starts to untangle himself by removing his arm from where it lay across my middle. But I press myself back against him and say, "Don't go."

He settles back and I fall asleep, listening to the even pattern of his breathing. It feels right.

"Good night, my angel."


	3. Ever After

I wake up and I can instantly tell that it's not Itachi's bed. It's all wrong.

"Morning sleepy head."

Huh? I sit up in what is _not_ Itachi's bed.

"Naruto?"

Strangely enough, I don't find his toned, tanned body, wrapped in only a towel, as distracting as usual.

"What happened last night?"

"You came," he announces with a grin.

My heart skips a beat. Then another.

"What?"

"Then you passed out. Aw, don't tell me you've forgotten already!"

The alarm and confusion must be pretty evident on my face for Naruto quickly adds, "I know how you like to sleep in Itachi's bed and I tried to wake you, but man, you were out cold."

I fall back on the pillows, throwing an arm over my eyes. Did I just dream that Itachi was here? Do I need my brother so badly I conjure him?

"I'm going to go see if breakfast is ready, okay?"

He leaves and comes back with a platter of pancakes. They smell divine and I tell Naruto so. I can't help shooting him an incredulous look; Naruto's never been much of a cook.

"Well." Naruto scratches his head, "I had a little help." He offers a sheepish grin. "I'll go get you something to drink."

He shimmies into a pair of jeans _sans_ underwear. I smirk inwardly. _Such a sex addict_, I think fondly. _But he's mine_. _All mine_. "Thanks." And I mean it. I try to push the guilt away, but I know it'll just come back in a minute.

*

Naruto enters the kitchen and is surprised but not really that Itachi is still here. He's sitting at the table, looking out the window.

"Does he buy it?" Itachi asks quietly.

"Yes. Quite ingenious, I didn't know how we were going to explain last night."

Itachi jerks his head, nodding. He shrugs and absently pushes a strand of dark hair behind his ear. Naruto can see me in his every movement.

"You didn't have sex," Naruto says, hoping to clarify the situation. It's a question and a desire.

Itachi looks at him then, eyes dark and piercing. They're like two chips of ice, so unlike my warm ones. Naruto can't stop himself from thinking that Itachi's glacial looks are love filled when looking at me. He fights down the jealousy, knowing it shows anyway.

"That was our deal, was it not? I spend the night with him and you get the sex."

Naruto's pretty sure Itachi's voice could be more emotionless, but he's not sure how. He sighs and sits down at the table across from Itachi.

"He still won't come," Naruto confesses.

Itachi doesn't even blink. "Do you love him?"

"Yes." The answer is firm and given without hesitation. Itachi appraises him.

"Call him Angel," Itachi says quietly.

Naruto, usually slow on the uptake, understands immediately. The name will remind me of Itachi. Which confirms Naruto's suspicions- that I still love, would probably always love, my older brother. He hadn't been sure if the nature of our relationship was incestuous, but now it's clear. The answer is a resounding _yes_.

"I've never seen him smile like that," Itachi says to himself more than to Naruto. "In his sleep." He looks Naruto straight in the eye and Naruto fights to not look away.

"He's happy," Naruto snaps, unable to help himself. He knows he sounds defensive. "You made him all messed up, but he's getting better. He's healing."

If Itachi feels any guilt for abandoning me, he doesn't show it.

"You make him happy." It's a question and while reasonable, it makes Naruto bristle.

"Yes."

Itachi nods to himself. "Last night was the last time. I won't be back." His expressionless face is grim for a moment before smoothing back into blankness.

"News on Madara's whereabouts." A feral grin. "He's going to die."

Naruto doesn't disbelieve his words. Itachi has told him everything.

"And after?"

"I'll send word. You can explain everything to Sasuke then."

"Why not now? He deserves to know."

Itachi looks at him with flat eyes. They've been over this a million times before.

"Fine, when you're done avenging your clan-"

"It's not about our clan. It's about Sasuke."

Naruto gets the subtext loud and clear: _It's always been about me. _

"Tell him yourself. He'll want to hear it from you."

Itachi says nothing and Naruto finally gets it.

"You're not coming back." Naruto's voice is incredulous.

"No."

Naruto stares, at a loss for words, mouth open. "B-but you're his brother," he splutters. "He needs you."

"He has you now." Itachi's tone is cool, reasonable.

Naruto closes his mouth. He isn't stupid enough to ask why Itachi's not coming back. So all he does is bow and says thanks.

Itachi stands in a fluid motion. "It's no problem. Pancakes aren't hard to make."

Naruto wisely chooses to say nothing. _Thank you for leaving Sasuke with me. For not taking away my heart's companion. He'll be safe with me. I promise. _

"You love him," Naruto concludes. He can't imagine a life without me and marvels at Itachi's strength.

"He's my brother." Naruto stares his confusion: is that an argument or a reason.

"But not just that. You've killed for him. You've –"

Itachi stops him with a cutting glare, eyes flashing. _Enough. _The room is several degrees cooler.

"Hold on," Naruto pleads, "I've got something for you."

He hopes he's doing the right thing as he yells suddenly, "Sasuke, come in the kitchen!"

*

I yawn and arrive in a couple seconds. I've put on my red and black plaid boxers. "What?"

"Your brother-" Naruto stops, scanning the room for Itachi.

"Hmm? What about Itachi?" I start to stretch then stop. "He was here, wasn't he? I didn't imagine him last night." My voice rises and I'm sure I'm wearing an expression of equal parts excited and fearful.

"Those pancakes…"I shake my head. "Only nii-san can make pancakes that wonderful. So where is he?" I cross my arms, staring at Naruto. Then I realize how ridiculous I sound. Of _course _Itachi wasn't here. That's wishful thinking on my part.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay?"

I rub my eyes tiredly, offer a shaky smile. "Last night's dream has me a bit on edge."

Naruto's eyes sharpen. Itachi said nothing sexual happened, but maybe the encounter didn't have to be to make me remember, regret, and pine.

"That dream last night wasn't a dream. Itachi visited." He takes a deep breath. "He made the pancakes, you're right."

My entire body jolts. _What? _"What? Why'd he leave?"

"To find Madara."

My jaw drops. Naruto lies a hand on my shoulder, pushing me down on the chair. He explains everything. The reasons for the massacre, Itachi's bravery, Itachi's abandonment. His deal with Naruto. Whenever Itachi was in town, he'd swing by the old Uchiha house at night. He'd just stay by the window, watching me sleep.

I can only stare blankly at my knees.

"You're taking this better than I thought you would."

"What, did you think I'd run into the streets, yelling for my brother? No. If Itachi doesn't want to be found, he won't be. I get it. He's gone." My voice peters out but my thoughts spiral around and around, _He's left me again. I'm alone. I-_

"Sasuke."

"Don't get me wrong." I hold my hands up. "I don't care," I spit, eyes crackling, hands trembling and balled into fists, fingernails biting deep into my palms. I almost choke on the next words. "Did…did he say anything?"

There's only one thing Naruto can do to make things better. Lie. "That he loved you. That he'd be back." Deep breath. "He said, 'I'll be back for my Angel.'".

Naruto knows he did the right thing; I was looking dangerously close to shutting myself in my room and never coming out.

"You're lying. Itachi would never say stupid shit like that," I mutter but the use of my nick name has jarred me.

"He's changed," Naruto insists.

"No."

I rock back and forth on my heels, glancing helplessly around the room. Naruto has never seen me looking so lots.

_I tried to help_, Naruto thinks miserably, _but did I just make things worse? _

Naruto sees a folded note on the table. He knows instantly it's for me from Itachi. "Sasuke, look."

I open the note. The message is short. My eyes skim over it.

_Forgive me, Angel_

It's unsigned but I know it's from my brother. Naruto sees a gleam of desperation, anger, remorse, and most prominent, Love.

I clutch the paper in my hand, determined never to lose it. But later that night, "Where is it?" I turn Naruto's place upside down searching for it. I sink to my knees when I can't find it. "It's all I have left…"

That night, I agree to move in with Naruto.

The way I figure, Itachi's most likely to return to Naruto's place. _It's a logical decision_, I tell myself.

We lay together on the bed, comfortably intertwined in the sheets.

"Itachi…He's coming back, right. He has to."

Naruto has heard the name mentioned in tones of hatred, fear, confusion, admiration. But never with so much love as this morning.

"Not that I care," but my voice cracks and tears slither from out and under my closed lids. My eyes sting.

"Yes, he'll come back."

What a pair, me and Naruto. Me so in love with my brother, so lost without him, I'm willing to believe anything.

And Naruto, the jealous best friend cum boyfriend but never lover, not in the way he wants. Who, try as he might, would never be more than the eternal rebound, the best friend too in love to let me go.

And the Uchiha brothers. One brother complex. One savior complex. Both extremely good looking. Incestuous, desperate.

Which was worse? Naruto spends many sleepless nights contemplating the two relationships. Though incestuous, the Uchiha's love was pure.

Naruto can't tell me Itachi isn't coming back. Not because he wants me to himself, but because it's the only way to save me from my self destructive love. he can't tell me that I'm waiting in vain for a man who will most likely die and never come back even if Itachi survives. Each day the fire dims in my eyes but as long as there's hope, the slightest chance of Itachi's return- I can sleep, eat, breathe easier.

Naruto, who was abandoned countless times, is still waiting. His relationship with me was built on lies, in trust that the lies would hold.

I lie every time I tell Naruto I love him.

Naruto lies every time he says he wants Itachi to return.

I live in a dream world where the lie exists that someday Itachi will find his way back to me.

Naruto lives in a lie too. He hopes that one day, I'll put him first. But my wish can still come true, so the light is still present.

Naruto is too far gone, too isolated. He's built a fortress of lies around him, not unlike Itachi. They're similar, I suppose. But the difference is that with Itachi, I can still reach him.

Naruto doesn't know lies from honesty, from the truth. But I'll give him this: he knows that the bond between Itachi and me is everlasting.

~Fin


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